Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
