Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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