So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
