Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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