just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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