I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
