It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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