i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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