That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
