The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
