I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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