why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
