honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
where are my eyebrows?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
