i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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