when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
