The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
