You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
