you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize