oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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