No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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