we have pet lesbian snakes
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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