They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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