Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
