i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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