So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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