Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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