ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
