You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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