I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
