apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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