When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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