Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
