we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
