guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
