Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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