Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
