I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize