six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
send nudes
from the living room?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
