Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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