i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
