like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
