it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
