wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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