No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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