i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
