What did we do last night that was yellow?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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