So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
