I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
