i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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