Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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