Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
