I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
