yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
