ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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