don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
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I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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