My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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