I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
