I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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