its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
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Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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