I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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