i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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