now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
