She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
