His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
