do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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