Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My penis needs a shock collar
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
