I hate all girls vehemently.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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