Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
