i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
