i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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