I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
