Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
