i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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