WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
