You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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