I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
