I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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