Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
