David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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