i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
