I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
