he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
