Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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