I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You're a waste of cheezeits
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
