why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
