McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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