Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
