At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
