and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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